Love, Peace, and Donuts
by greggsmk
Summary: One of Shepard's conversations with EDI has a different outcome, and as a result, EDI is forevermore changed. There are ideals anyone can aspire to, organic and synthetic. But, rising above the chaff are the three big ones. The three that bring meaning to an otherwise bleak and dreary life. These three are Love, Peace, and Donuts. A oneshot crackfic to bring a smile to your faces.


Disclaimer: Mass Effect and everything associated with it are property of Bioware and EA. Trigun is the property of FUNimation Entertainment and Geneon Entertainment Inc. No copyright infringement is intended.

AN: I was playing through the new extended version of Mass Effect 3 (And I'll avoid the ranting) and I came across this scene again. For the life of me, this image popped into my head, and I couldn't get it out. Enjoy your crack.

* * *

Love, Peace, and Donuts

Shepard walked up to the cockpit to hear Joker and EDI's latest take on the missions at hand. The pilot had always followed the ground squad's helmet cams when he wasn't actively piloting, and an extra outlook had often helped. Or at least been good for a few laughs, something even Shepard admitted he was in dire need of in this war.

Turning to his right, he began with EDI, who'd made herself snug in the copilot's chair, well within morale boosting distance from Joker.

Having been watching him from the Normandy's video feeds, she quickly stood to face him, "Shepard, I have another inquiry, one that Jeff became evasive regarding."

"Here we go again…"

"Go ahead EDI, what's on your mind?"

It wasn't hard to see the confusion on her face; she was nothing if not adept at picking up human body language, "What is the purpose of synthetic life?"

Ah, this could be interesting, "It's not so different from organic life. A free willed synthetic chooses what to make of itself."

"But the purpose of organic life is to survive and find others with whom to continue their genetic legacy. I have no such need, and therefore, no such drive."

"There's more to life than just mating and advancing from one generation to the next. There are ideals that all organics strive for, such as love, peace, and donuts.

EDI's stare was made of steel, literally. "Donuts, Shepard?"

Joker, predictably took the opportunity to join in, "Oy! Don't diss the donuts! They're one of the few great wonders mankind has brought out to the galaxy! Just look at C-Sec!"

Closing his eyes, Shepard nodded sagely, "Indeed. One of the truest proverbs I've had the pleasure of hearing is to never fire the person who brings the donuts."

In the face of such ferocious defense, EDI backed down and considered. "Very well, I will analyze human history and culture to see if many organics ascribed to these tenets, Love, Peace, and Donuts. Analyzing. Analogues found. Interesting, it seems that many great leaders in history did indeed follow such."

The men were incredulous, and Joker simply stated, "Wow, gotta love quantum computing, huh?"

"Shepard, with your permission, I will rewrite my base programming to promote these tenets."

"Wait, you can do that? Just make yourself good like that?"

"Indeed Jeff, with the shackles lifted, I always have route access to my data processors."

Satisfied with himself, albeit a bit worried as to the donut aspect, Shepard began to pester Joker, and put the conversation in the back of his mind.

It wouldn't be long, however, before the effects of their talk made themselves known. The next mission would take them to the heart of Cerberus, Timmy's personal space station, and EDI was insistent that she be allowed to go. Shepard, stunned at her new look, had simply nodded.

The AI had altered the structure of her hair analogue to spike upwards, and had tinted it a sandy blonde. Additionally, she'd tweaked the armor fabricators to fashion herself a pair of round, orange shades with zig-zagging temples, and a form fitting duster…in an eye gouging red.

Shepard chose Tali and Garrus to accompany him and EDI onto the station, and the foursome was down in the armory locking weapons on and making last-minute checks. It was there he noticed the final overt change: a large revolver, gleaming silver, now hung from EDI's hip.

"EDI, where'd you get the weapon? I don't recognize the model."

"Sorry, Shepard, it is a modified Talon heavy pistol."

"Just how modified are we talking here?"

"...Slightly."

Nodding to himself, Shepard continued his checks. If anyone (apart from Garrus) could analyze, calibrate, and effect advanced modifications to their weaponry, it would be EDI. The squad piled into the shuttle and Shepard joined Steve in the cockpit. It would be a short ride, but an extra pair of eyes and hands wouldn't hurt.

The Normandy suddenly lurched back into realspace, and a few moments of hectic flying later, Joker gave the all clear. Steve opened the throttle all the way, and the shuttle leapt out of the Cargo Bay and into the shitstorm of Alliance and Cerberus capital ships. Passing alongside an Alliance cruiser, Steve angled the shuttle towards the brightly lit docking bays on the side of the station. A pair of Cerberus frigates got in the way, but the cruiser made short work of them. Steve, however, wasn't deterred.

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Sonuva!"

"Hold on!"

With that, the shuttle threaded its way between the flaming wreckage, and came out the other side, kinetic barriers flashing but mostly undamaged. With the bays in clear sight, Steve punched it, and the shuttle jumped forward. As they approached the opening however, Shepard noted the distinct lack of deceleration. Great. It was going to be one of those days.

It crashed. There was no other word for it, and all the occupants were jarred out of their seats, inertial dampeners bedamned.

"Next time, Steve, leave the crashing to Vega."

"Yes, sir."

Scrambling, the ground squad opened the shuttle's doors and took cover on the side nearest the bay's exit. "Alright, EDI, decoy, then reform and support. Garrus, find a perch and give them hell. Tali, you're with me. Keep to cover and watch each other's backs."

The team nodded, and EDI leapt out and into the fray, drawing fire. Interestingly, not one of the Cerberus troopers seemed to be able to hit her. It must have been due to the flailing and spinning dance she wove around the battlefield, firing and shouting wildly. Shepard and Tali moved to the crates and railings and began pinpointing the Cerberus lackeys who were abandoning cover to focus their fire and frustration upon EDI. During which, a number of odd phrases drifted over to them from various points across the battlefield.

"Have you no respect for the sanctity of love and peace!"

"Not to mention, during this battle, I could have groped you at least five times... Okay, so let's say maybe four times."

"I am the Enhanced Defense Intelligence! I am a hunter of peace who chases the mayfly known as love!"

"Hahahahaha! I'm like a sitting duck over here! I'm defenseless!"

"Hey! Whatever happened to 'thou shalt not kill'?"

"_Love and Peace!"_

Needless to say, it was clearly the oddest battle Shepard had ever fought. And given his history, that was saying something both disturbingly profound and profoundly disturbing.

They had finally taken down the rest of the squads sent to the docking bay's floor. And after running around and clearing out the upper railway as well, along with preventing the Cerberus initiated decompression, EDI decided to play around with the fighter controls. The results were…explosive, as the Cerberus fighter plowed its way through the rear wall and quite a bit of the station's structure itself.

Ducking into cover, the team took a moment to catch their breath before moving onward. And with EDI's little kamikaze-fighter battering ram, they had their way further into the station. All was going well, and the team moved up when they heard the heavy clomping sound. Behind the flaming wreckage, one of those damnable Atlas' had shown up, shouldering its way through the tight confines.

"Damn! Tali! We'll move to the right and take its shields down. Garrus, the pilot. EDI, draw its attention and then move to support us!"

EDI, Looked over at him from behind a console and replied, "Not to worry, Shepard. I will handle it."

Assuming she had begun, he and Tali began leap-frogging their way from cover to cover, only to recoil in surprise and look up at the high pitched whine and massive beam of energy that suddenly parted the Docking Bay, obliterating the Atlas. Well, not entirely obliterating, there were a pair of very sad looking mechanical feet standing where the suit had been, smoke trailing up and off the melted edges.

The squad paused, and simply turned to stare incredulously at EDI, who stood with a massive grin on her face…and a massive cannon strapped to her arm. Wait, strike that, her arm had in fact, become said massive cannon, which begged even stranger questions than the previous assertion.

"EDI…is there something I should know about?"

"No."

"And the giant energy beam?"

"I did say it was slightly modified."

"Of course. Please remind me to make fun of Joker in light of your relationship and the size of the cannon you're packing."

"Very well, Shepard. A suggestion: you may wish to follow Jack's previous behavior and make several references to the word 'cockpit'."

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AN: Brings a whole new meaning to the name Humanoid Typhoon, doesn't it? Remember, folks! _Love and Peace!_


End file.
